Bathtime
by Lcsaf
Summary: Add: 1 dirty, unwilling princess and 1 frustrated hanyou bodyguard, determined to achieve his goal by ANY means possible, and...well, you'll see...


DISCLAIMER: Do I look like Takahashi to you?

A/N: So, back in its original one-shot format. I **_told_** you. Explanation is at the bottom.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Have you seen her yet?"

"Not yet."

"Where could that girl be?"

"Well, she's not in the garden...or the barn."

"And she wasn't hiding in the kitchen or the library either."

The two female speakers went on listing the places where the MIA girl was not found as they continued down the hall; unaware that said girl was watching them through a crack in one of the linen closets. 

The girl waited until she could no longer hear the female voices before sighing in relief. 

Finally.

Kagome opened the closet door further and slipped out into the hallway, she dusted off her dirty brown peasant tunic and riding breeches as she looked up and down the hall. The whole palace was searching for her and Kagome just _knew_ there was someone in her room, ready to haul her off to the bathing room to make her presentable for the upcoming ball that evening. So far Kagome had managed to avoid everyone, but such luck couldn't last for long. _'As soon as I get down to the dungeons, I'll be okay,' _she thought. The dungeons were dark, damp, and smelly, and they were certainly NOT a place for a respectable person to be hanging around.

In other words: dungeons were the perfect hiding spot.

Kagome stayed close to the corners and shadows and she slipped quietly down the hall, which was becoming increasingly easier to do, as there was less and less light available the closer she got to the dungeons. Consequently, there were fewer people around the area; most of the palace considered it too disturbing to visit, and except for the occasional daring errand boy or the guards on duty, no one passed through the corridors.

Up ahead, the hall divided into two wings, left and right. The right wing was the guard post; the left turned to steps that led to the dungeons. Just a little further and she would be off scot-free until after the ball! Grinning, Kagome figured it was safe enough to sprint the last few metres to the left wing and made a break for it. 

__

'SAFE!' she mentally cried as she turned the corner...

....and ran smack dab into a solid wall of muscled chest.

"There you are!" a rough masculine voice exclaimed, sounding incredibly irritated.

Kagome gulped. Of ALL the people to run into, it had to be HIM. Standing over her with his arms crossed and a scowl deeply etched in his handsome features was her personal bodyguard: the hanyou, Inu-Yasha, and man, did he look PISSED.

"Where the hell have you **BEEN**?" he demanded, hauling her up from the floor. He sniffed her for a moment then looked disgusted and even angrier. "You went outside the palace gates!" he accused. "And without an escort! Damnit, Kagome! You fucking KNOW you aren't supposed to leave without me!"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Yes, _Dad_." She had heard this lecture a thousand times and it STILL sounded stupid. Inu-Yasha was really worrying over nothing. The villagers knew her and liked her; she never felt threatened while hanging outside the palace gates with the children her age. Nothing bad ever happened….well, at least not until someone back at the palace found out.

"I don't have time for this," Inu-Yasha growled. He tugged on Kagome's arm. "Let's go, wench."

"OOF!Wh-where are we going?" Kagome stuttered as she choked on her breath at the sudden movement. 

"Where else? You gotta get ready for this damn ball."

Kagome stopped and stomped her foot. "I'm not going!" she insisted. "No way!"

"That's what you think, come on." Inu-Yasha tugged again as he took off at a brisk pace. Kagome was forced to keep up or risk being dragged down the halls. THAT was never fun, and she should know.

More than once Kagome had complained to her parents about Inu-Yasha's rough treatment of her since the beginning of his service. The King just laughed and said that as long as Inu-Yasha got the job done and Kagome wasn't truly hurt or dead, he felt okay with the bodyguard, well… in so many words, he did. Kagome's mother smiled gently and said that she trusted Inu-Yasha to get the results...even if she didn't always agree with his rather unusual and at times, unorthodox methods. 

And that was that.

"Come on, Inu-Yasha," Kagome whined, deliberately pitching her voice high enough to annoy Inu-Yasha's sensitive ears. She mentally grinned when she saw said ears twitch then lay flat against his skull. "You know it's stupid and I know it stupid, so why am I going?"

"I don't make the damn rules, I just follow 'em."

"_Barely_," Kagome muttered.

"You're one to talk!" he countered. He stopped and gave her an appraising once-over as if to prove his point. Half a second later, Inu-Yasha tugged on Kagome's wrist again. If he wasn't careful, she was going to get a bruise.

This time, she stood firm. "I **refuse**," she told him in her most regal voice. She lifted her chin, putting her nose in the air.

"Think again," Inu-Yasha snarled. In a heartbeat, Kagome was slung across Inu-Yasha's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. In the next, an irate hanyou was storming down the corridor with Kagome beating against his back.

"Let me go!! Inu-Yasha, put me down.....this isn't dignified!"

"And hanging around filthy peasant horse stalls is?"

In reply, Kagome reached up to tug one of Inu-Yasha's ears, but he seemed to know what she was thinking and jostled her. "Don't even try it, wench," he warned. They were now reaching the well lit areas of the palace, where more people would be and the greater chance of being seen terrified Kagome. 

"Please, Inu-Yasha, let me down," she begged. "I'll walk," she promised.

"Too late," the bodyguard told her. "You had your chance, we're doing things my way now."

"Inu-Yasha!!" Kagome screeched. "PUT ME DOWN!!!"

Of course, that got no reaction other than the flattening of canine ears and the odd stares starting to come from the other people in the halls. Kagome moved onto to plan C, which included much kicking, name calling and back beating of the hanyou. "Let go of me, you overbearing sunovabitch!" She pounded his back as best she could and tried her hardest to kick him in his groin. But all she received a wicked pinch to the back of her thigh for her efforts.

Inu-Yasha made a right down the hall and barged into Kagome's room. "SANGO!" he bellowed as he strode across the room to the door that led to the private bathing room. The water had already been drawn and was still warm by the looks of the steam rising from the water.

Inu-Yasha stopped and set Kagome on her feet. "Take off your clothes," he instructed. 

Kagome blushed and glared at him. "Pervert!" she cried.

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes. "I meant take off your clothes and get in the tub, stupid."

"Like that's any better, you sicko!"

"You have exactly ten seconds to take them off before I do it myself and throw you in that damn tub!"

Kagome eyes widened. "You wouldn't...."

"Try me."

The princess' eyes narrowed to slits. "Turn around and don't peak," she said suspiciously.

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes but complied. His ears twitched, catching the soft rustle of cloth and Kagome's sigh as she slipped in the warm water. A mental visual almost immediately followed and Inu-Yasha bit his lip to break himself of that dream. GAH!! Fantasizing about a naked Kagome was NOT something to be done on the job.....maybe later, when they weren't so pressed for time. The hanyou checked over his shoulder to make sure that his charge actually WAS in the tub before stomping out to the bedroom. He crossed the room and threw open the door. "SANGO!" he yelled again.

Seconds later, the personal handmaiden of the princess came scurrying down the hall with a scowl on her face. "Must you be so loud? I could hear you all the way from the north wing!"

"Well, you sure as hell took your sweet time getting here!" Inu-Yasha snapped.

"Don't bitch at me! I don't have to answer at your beck and call, you ass!"

Inu-Yasha jerked a thumb in the direction of the bathing room. "Just get your own ass in there and make sure she cleans up. I gotta get ready." He turned on his heel and headed for the door on the opposite side of the chambers that led to his adjoining room. As he was the princess' personal bodyguard (which in reality was a fancy title for little more than a glorified baby-sitter), he slept in the room next to hers, so as to spring to her aide in a heartbeat. 

There was a ball tonight and Inu-Yasha was required to be there. Not off to the sidelines, keeping an eye on Kagome as he had done in the past, but tonight he was to be out on the floor to keep an eye on the princess as subtly possible.

Inu-Yasha knew the man meant well, but he picked the worst possible events to include the hanyou in. As a general rule, Inu-Yasha tried his best to avoid becoming a part of any social events, he hated them with a passion. And a ball was probably the biggest annoyance out of all of them. Not only did he have to dress in uncomfortable clothing and make nice with everyone who so much as looked at him, but he also had to deal with the clingy and bothersome court women and of course.... dance. Not that Inu-Yasha was a bad dancer, quite the contrary in fact--his position in the kingdom required as much. But dancing for Inu-Yasha was dealt with about the same amount of enthusiasm as a five-year-old boy had for his weekly piano lesson or his bath time.

Inu-Yasha had just unbuttoned usual black silk shirt and was reaching in his closet for his tuxedo when Sango's sigh made him turn to see her standing in the doorway. "Why aren't you in there?" he demanded.

Sango exhaled loudly. "She's locked me out and refuses to get ready...."

Inu-Yasha snarled, "That's IT!" He threw open the double doors that connected his room to Kagome's and crossed her rather spacious bed chambre in four strides. The bathing room door was locked, just as Sango had told him ("**Why** won't anyone ever take someone's word that the door is locked, why do they have to test the handle for themselves?") Inu-Yasha ignored her and pounded on the door with his fist. "Kagome, open this damn door!" 

No answer.

The hanyou tried again. "KAGOME! OPEN THE DOOR!" Once again, silence followed the demand. Inu-Yasha snarled and twisted the knob forcefully, breaking the lock. The horrified/surprised look on Kagome's face while in the bath might have made Inu-Yasha smirk any other day. But not today, especially since what little time they had left was dwindling away. 

Kagome ducked deeper into the water until it reached her neck, covering her chest with her arms, just in case. "Inu-Yasha!" she screeched. "Don't you know what privacy is?"

"Don't start with me, bitch," he growled. "I have HAD IT with your shit today!" He gazed around the room until he spied the scrubbing brush. Shrugging out of the unbuttoned shirt and tossing it in the corner, he advanced on her, grabbing the brush along the way.

Kagome's eyes turned to saucers. Inu-Yasha was looming over her with a sneer across his face, and a creepy glint in his eyes. He held the brush down by his thigh, though Kagome could tell he looked very much like he wanted to throw it in a fit of rage. Inu-Yasha rarely got like this, but when he did, it really wasn't pretty. The solid wall of muscle right would have been distracting in itself at another time, but right now it just served to increase the intimidation factor. It bordered on down right scary."W--what are you doing?!" Kagome stammered.

"What does it look like?" he replied as he kneeling down and taking hold of one of Kagome's arms to pull it out of the water. 

Kagome tried her best to cover her chest with just one arm and slide further into the water. " It looks like you're trying to get a peep show, Pervert!"

"Don't you ever shut-up?" Inu-Yasha grumbled as he fought a losing battle against his blush. He dipped the brush in the water and went to work scrubbing the princess' arm.

Kagome tried to turn away and free the captured appendage, but her bodyguard's grip was strong. "Inu-Yasha, you're scrubbing too hard," she complained.

The scrubbing wasn't as harsh now, but still persistent. Inu-Yasha had managed to scrub the dirt off Kagome's back, arms and shoulders and was now pushing her backwards so as to reach her clavicle and breastbone.

"Hey!!" Kagome cried indignantly, refusing to be moved.

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes. "Your modesty can go to hell for all I care," he growled. "You ain't got nothing I haven't seen before.... damn, Kagome! How the hell did you get dirt down the **front** of your tunic?"

Kagome was too busy blushing to answer. 

Inu-Yasha finished scrubbing and dropped the brush in the tub. "You have two minutes to finish scrubbing the rest of the dirt off or I'll do it myself," he threatened as he stood and left the room.

Kagome sank back in the water with a huff and pouted. Why didn't Souta get stuck with the hanyou? He seemed to idolize Kagome's bodyguard. Of course, if they switched bodyguards then Kagome would end up with Miroku. Being around Miroku was like an accident just waiting to happen…. 

Waitaminute! 

Did Inu-Yasha just say two minutes? 

And she had just spent her first minute just sitting and brooding! Damn! Kagome thrust a hand into the bath and searched the tub for the elusive scrubbing brush before setting to work of cleaning herself.

*****

Inu-Yasha quickly stormed to his room and slammed the door, thankful to be alone. The heat draining from his face wasn't only from the steam in the bathing room. _'UGH! NO. FANTASIZING. ON. THE. JOB!_' Inu-Yasha banged his forehead against the wall with each word. Of course, who _needed_ to fantasize about a naked Kagome when all he had to do was march right back in the bathing room and take a good look at just exactly WHO he was giving a bath to?

Grrrr. Damn wench.

He had never felt the urge to scream quite as badly as he did now. Not yell--he did that often enough when dealing with Kagome. Not even growl, which is what he usually, did under pressure and..... yeah, well, this qualified as pressure...on some parts. But scream, very much like a prepubescent child would as he was being dragged to the bathtub. There was a lot to be said for screaming, for one it was a GREAT stress reliever. That was probably why Kagome did it so often. Despite what the peasants thought, being a princess was stressful.

__

'But not NEARLY as stressful as being the princess' BODYGUARD,' Inu-Yasha mentally grumbled. He had concluded that if he hadn't been a hanyou, he would have long ago died from a heart attack or a stroke or an ulcer or some other stress related event from dealing with Kagome.

Speaking of Kagome....

__

'Soap. I came in here for soap,' Inu-Yasha mentally chanted. Not that there wasn't soap in the bathing room, but the humans' soap was nothing but an extra bar of fragrance. Using that soap was like putting powder on a pig, it didn't cover up any of the smell, merely added to it. At least that's what the hanyou's insisted and unfortunately for Inu-Yasha and his sensitive nose, that didn't quite cut it. Inu-Yasha used a special blend of lye and other cleaning soap ingredients when he bathed so he wouldn't faint from smelling himself. Right now, that seemed to be the only thing that would get the stench of dirt, muck from horse stalls, and (most importantly) human males off of Kagome.

He made his way to the small nightstand next to his bed. The hanyou opened the table's single drawer and reached to the back to pull out a small cloth covered bar of soap. That done, he turned and reminded himself he was supposed to be MAD at his charge as he headed back to the bathing room for round two...

***** 

The sound of water sloshing in the tub greeted Inu-Yasha's ears as he opened the door to the bathing room. "Don't tell me you haven't finished scrubbing yet. I even gave you two extra minutes!" he groused.

Kagome glared at him, looking every part the princess. "Your generosity _astounds_ me," she replied, every word dripping with sarcasm. She had evidently made the most of her extra time, as the tub was full of fragrance and bubbles.

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes and unwrapped the small cake of soap. He bent down on one knee to dip the bar and fabric that had been covering the soap in the tub, then made quick work of lathering the cloth (which seemed to be some sort of washing cloth peasants liked to use) with the soap.

Kagome wrinkled her nose. "What's that? It smells funny."

"Smells a hell of a lot better than you do right now," Inu-Yasha growled. He grabbed Kagome's arm again.

"Didn't we just do this?" she sighed. The cloth was rough and scratched her skin lightly, but somehow Kagome didn't expect any less. It would be just like Inu-Yasha to use this method.

Inu-Yasha soaped her down on her arms, neck, back and errr.... front before grabbing her chin.

"Close your eyes and mouth," he commanded.

Kagome obliged and felt the rag rub harshly against her skin as Inu-Yasha randomly started sudsing up her right shoulder. The soap smelt stronger now that it was just under her nose, but strangely familiar.... _'Wait, it smells a little like Inu-Yasha...'_ Kagome was just vaguely aware of Inu-Yasha telling her to hold her breath before she was dunked under the water's surface.

Surprised and a little frightened at being underwater so abruptly, she struggled. She felt a strong arm holding her down as a hand lightly ran over her face. She gripped the arm as she tried not to panic. Suddenly, she was being pulled forward, the water went past her face and ears in a weird pattern as she neared the surface. She broke the water with a loud gasp; after a moment of spluttering and checking that she didn't swallow any water, Kagome looked up to catch Inu-Yasha's concerned stare.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously after a full minute of locking glances.

"Give me a little more warning next time!" Kagome demanded.

"I _told_ you to hold your breath!" Inu-Yasha drawled as he rolled his eyes. _Honestly._

"I thought I was going to drown for a minute!" 

__

Ladies and Gentlemen, the award for this year's Drama Queen goes to Princess Kagome.

"With all the struggling up put up, it's a wonder you didn't! Why do you think I pulled you back up?"

Kagome said nothing and the room lapsed into silence for several seconds.

"Are you okay?" With three words, he had dispelled the tension in the room. "You didn't really think I was going to let anything happen to you, did you?"

Silently, Kagome shook her head, not meeting his eyes. 

"Hey."

A clawed hand reached out and gently gripped her chin to turn her face so that she could see him. Kagome raised her eyes and gazed into twin pools of endless amber.

"Do you trust me?"

An odd question to ask.

In the beginning, she was given no say in the matter. Inu-Yasha had showed up by her side one day with the duty to protect Princess Kagome. She had no choice but to trust him.

__

'I guess I do.'

Over the years, her bodyguard had saved her from three assassination attempts, a handful of would-be-kidnappings, a couple of "mishaps", and her own sheer stupidity on several occasions. Like that sudden departure from the balcony just last week…

__

'I trust him with my life,' she realized.

And sometimes, when he wasn't being a total jerk, Inu-Yasha also saved her from the boredom and loneliness that often plagued her.

Kagome refocused on Inu-Yasha, realizing he was still waiting for her answer.

"Yes," she breathed, "I do."

The tension was thick as silence filled the room.

Inu-Yasha nodded once. "Hold your breath this time," he gently instructed as he removed his hand from Kagome's face to grasp one of her own.

Kagome did as she was told and felt another clawed hand supporting her back as she slipped beneath the water's surface. The hand on her back moved to gently wipe away any remnants of soap from her face and shoulders. Kagome felt herself being pulled up single handily. When she could see again, Inu-Yasha was eyeing all of the bottles and containers around the room.

Interpreting this as Inu-Yasha hunting for the shampoo what he was looking for, Kagome helped him with his search. "It's the red bottle," she informed him, indicating to the bottle on one of the lower shelves with a quick glance.

Inu-Yasha just nodded before grabbing the specified container and sniffing it. A chemical and artificial floral scent that he associated with his charge floated to his nostrils. Yep, this was the right one. He ignored Kagome's outstretched hand poured a healthy amount of the hair soap into his own palm. After evaluating the princess' head, he added a little more to the blob already trying to flow through his claws. Inu-Yasha set the container aside and held his hand over Kagome's head, tilting it to an angle to allow the soap to trickle off his hand and onto Kagome's hair. Once the majority of the shampoo dribbled off his hand the hanyou got to work massaging the solvent into Kagome's hair and working up a great lather.

"I _can_ do this myself, you know," Kagome insisted as she tried to duck away from the hanyou. A sharp tug on her hair stopped her.

"You'll just take too long, now shut-up and sit still."

Kagome threw a mock glare up at her bodyguard, which accomplished nothing, really. It was kind of hard to be taken seriously when she had a head full of foamy scented bubbles. She sighed and closed her eyes… dignity aside, it was sort of nice having Inu-Yasha wash her hair. His claws felt nice and tingly on her scalp.

"Kagome," she heard Inu-Yasha say.

"Hmmm?" she answered with her eyes still closed. She felt his breath right next to her ear; sending shivers up and down her spine.

"Hold your breath..."

**********

Sango looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was following her. Behind her the hall was empty. That in itself was unusual, but even more so now that a ball was to take place very soon. 

As soon as Inu-Yasha decided to take it upon himself to give the princess a bath; once she realized that she didn't have to worry about getting anything wet or dirty, Sango had bolted for her room in the servant's wing to change into a nicer frock. The staff always wore nicer clothing when there was any sort of social event held in the palace. Not that the servants were to be apart of the event, but they chanced being spotted while refilling the trays of food or bringing more wine from the cellar.

Sango sighed. "I'm getting paranoid," she muttered to herself. She turned around and smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her apron. It would probably be safe to return to the princess' chambres now...

"Better paranoid than dead" a voice, insisted. The statement had come from a young man half a head taller than Sango and dressed from head to toe in black, including the black wraparound glasses and black hair pulled back in a dragon's tail.

Sango jumped, startled. Realizing who it was, she glared at her new companion. "Go away, Miroku," she ordered.

"No hello? Sango, I'm hurt!" Miroku placed a hand over his heart, as if to prove his point.

Sango tried to side-step the new obstruction in her path, but Miroku did the same thing. 

"Move out of my way before I move you myself," she growled.

The young man tipped his glasses halfway down his nose to reveal mischievous violet eyes. "Promise?" he asked playfully.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Prince Souta, you letch?" Sango not so subtly reminded her companion.

The young man ignored her barb. "He was under very good guard with Bankotsu when I left him. And Jakotsu was giving him a bath and getting him ready," he answered.

Jakotsu was a bit fruity and tended to flirt with half the palace's male population (King Higurashi included), but he was one of the damn best fighters the King's army had. He also made a great baby-sitter to Souta in a pinch. Bankotsu was Jakotsu's older brother and Captain of the Guard. If the Higurashis had had another child, the kid would have no doubt been under the watchful eye of Bankotsu.

"I was going to see how Inu-Yasha was fairing," Miroku continued.

Sango chanced a look behind her before turning back around to slap the offending hand reaching for her breast. "You're going the wrong way, Miroku," she sighed. "Princess Kagome's chambres are in the down the east wing. The only thing down _this_ hall," she hooked a thumb behind her, "Is the female servant quar..." Sango trailed off as if she had just realized what she said. Her eyes narrowed to slits and anyone else would have sworn she was steaming.

Miroku noticed the change and took a few steps back. "Now, Sango," he began as he waved his hands in front of him in a non-threatening way.

"YOU PERVERT!"

*****

Queen Makoto Higurashi spared a glance from her three-way mirror to the door of her chambres as she heard Souta's bodyguard and Kagome's handmaiden tear down the halls in a disturbingly similar Kagome/Inu-Yasha fashion.

"**_INU-YASHA!!!_**"

Speak of the devil, they say. 

A small smile graced the queen features as she redirected her attention to her mirror. "Such spirited young people," she murmured.

The queen's handmaiden could only sweat-drop; this whole palace was mad.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So that's it. Bathtime in its original one-shot format. C'est la vie. Granted it's a bit longer than I originally planned, but things don't always go to plan. 

I do realize an explanation is in order. This was written as a one-shot from the start, I planned on it like that. I did not think it would get as far as it did. Which STILL impresses me, btw. I wrote it for the sole purpose of writing IY fiction that WASN'T SJHS So, why did I take down the Bathtime chapters and put up the one-shot? Well, it kinda follows Rule # 24 of The Evil Overlord List: I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Yes, BT was good, it was cute and funny and fluffy and all that crap. But, it was pointless, as in it really had no plot, no real ending or conflict of any kind. And before you start, Kikyou does NOT qualify as a real conflict (ok, maybe she does, but it isn't a big one). And as such, I realized as a writer that this fic was not ever going to be finished, not by me anyway. I hate stories like that, not every fic can be The Never Ending Story. Leaving such a good fic unfinished like that, I believe does nothing good for my reputation as an author, its not good to leave thing dangling forever like that. I don't appreciate it and as such I try not to do it either. If I've disappointed you, I'm very sorry.

However, that doesn't necessarily have to be the end. I would LOVE it if someone wanted to pick up were I left off. Think of it as a challenge: What do you think happened between Yasha and Kagome? As you recall, I never really specified what happened in my version. You could start from here OR you could go back from where the elongated version left off with Kikyou and Yasha headed for the dance floor. Take as far as you want, just remember to let me know so that I can go read it! 

I guess that's all I can say for now. Except an abnormally large THANK YOU! to all my readers and reviewers out there. Especially to Pogo and Saro, who continued to inspire me to write more, even if they weren't aware of it.

-Lcsaf

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

The Top 100 Things I'd Do  
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord by Peter Anspach 


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